...But I Like It!

I’ve been trying to figure out how to appropriately tell this story, without dropping names or pissing too many people off. But, after constant urging from Monks, and about a week to properly get my head around said event, it is now time to tell the true story of what happened in somewhere in Maryland, one week back. I’ll start from the beginning and end where appropriate… It starts:

Thursday evening Monks, CPT and I plan to meet up within Washington, DC to head over to the "Mumphrey's HcGee"* show in Maryland. From the time 7:30 arrived, there were problems. CPT is calling me because she can’t figure out where to go and I am pissy that she has gotten lost. Funny enough, for once, Monks was on time and we set off down the road to look for young CPT. Thankfully, we find her quickly and head off on our merry way. We get to the show (in record time) and are encountered with problem #2. While we are indeed on the guest list (thank you guys!) we have not been given passes. CPT is freaking. She wants to see bassist. I decide to let her handle said “problem” and proceed to make my way to the bar with Monks. Sometime later, "Hose Dill Rive"* takes the stage (let me just tell you, they ROCK, like, too much metal for one hand kind of rocking) and the head-banging begins. Sometime during their set, I turn around to see keyboardist walking behind me.

Rook: Hey, keyboardist, how you doing tonight?
Keyboardist: Great, Rook! How about you?
Rook: Good! My girl CPT here is freaking out because she wants to see bassist, but other than that, excellent… These guys rock, don’t they?
Keyboardist: Yeah, they are pretty decent. Well, stand right here after the show and I’ll come and get you.
Rook: Thanks keyboardist, have a great show!

Problem #2-averted. So, "Hose Dill Rive"* ends and the drinking continues. CPT and I go way up front so we can really rock, and "Mumphrey's"* begins to play. Now, keep in mind, I was drinking pretty heavily and not really paying too much attention to anything but my level of alcohol and the band, but every time I spoke to CPT, she seemed increasingly drunker. At one point, I turn to say something to her and she screams at me: “No talking. Focus on the music.” At this point, I didn’t really think too much of it, and promptly turned around and continued to rock out. Well, two sets end and I am glowing with the sweat of dancing my ass off for a few hours, and almost instantaneously, I turn around and CPT is no where to be seen. I don’t think too much of it, and find Monks (who has been hanging with Crazy Red Beard for the show) and we proceed to make our way backstage. Anyway, we head on back and chill with everyone for a while, when I realize that CPT has gone missing. After some investigation I notice that bassist has gone missing as well. I don’t think too much of it, and when invited back to the hotel to party by drummer I figure, what the hell, I can guarantee that is where CPT disappeared to anyway.

So back to the hotel we go, and after hanging there for an hour or so, I realize it is time to find out about the whereabouts of CPT. I proceed to ask drummer where bassist is, and we go on a mission to find him. Lo and behold, bassist is in his hotel room, where CPT lies sleeping like a little drunken angel. After some discussion, we decide it is best to let CPT sleep, and we all proceed to go to another room to continue the party. So, party we do… I sort of lost track of time at some point, but it had to be around 5 am when I went down to the hotel lobby and noticed copious amounts of police officers. SHIT! In addition to the police officers, I heard someone screaming. As I walked closer, I recognized the voice of my little drunken angel, CPT. Upon further inspection, I see that she is surrounded by said police, wearing nothing but a tee-shirt. SHIT TWICE! So having had a little bit to drink myself that night, I try my best to sober up and put the most responsible look on my face and in my eyes.

Rook: Officer, what is going on here?
Cop: We found this girl wandering around the hotel naked. When the guard here tried to restrain her, she threw something at his face, cutting him.
Rook: [whilst glancing over at said guard, and noticing the blood dripping down his face] Oh my god Officer, I am so sorry, she has had a lot to drink tonight. Can I just bring her upstairs and put her to sleep?
Cop: No ma’am, she is no longer allowed in the Sheraton.
CPT: [screaming] What the fuck? This asshole punched me in the face! [more drunken mumbling]

TRIPLE SHIT! So, here I am, at five in the morning, in a town I’ve never been to before, with a friend who is so shit-canned that she has been wandering around the hotel naked and assaulting security guards, and for the life of me, I don’t know what to do.

As I run upstairs, back to where everyone is hanging out, I wonder to myself, how am I going to explain this one? I knock on the door and immediately drag bassist out in to the hall with me. I sort of felt like I was living that scene in Dirty Dancing where Baby sees Penny crying in the upper-lodge, and has to run back to Johnny and slyly get him to come and check on Penny. Anyway, I grab him and we go down to his room to grab CPT’s things. We bring them downstairs, and now bassist begins to try to reason with the officers. It was pretty much, “we don’t care where she goes, but she can’t stay here.” Anyway, after much quick-thinking, we decide to bring her back to the tour-bus which is still at the venue, and to have her pass-out there. Let me tell you, I don’t think I have ever been on such an awkward walk in my life, with my friend who can barely walk and a dude, who while amazingly cool, I have only hung with a handful of times.

Anyway, we managed to get CPT to pass-out on said bus and continued the party back at the hotel.

The next day, after I have drank enough pre-show to forget the previous nights events, we stumble back to the venue to get on the free-beer train. We walk in to the dressing room, and guitarists #1 and #2 are sitting there, tuning up.

Guitarist #1: Hey CPT, heard you had a great night last night!
CPT: Can we not talk about this? I am really trying to forget about all of it.
Guitarist #1: Not to worry, it’s all rock and roll!

Classic!

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent