The Man (Las Vegas Edition)

I don't know if I would have chosen Elvis to be the man if I weren't going to Vegas, but I am, and in Vegas, he is the man.

So, Mr. Presley, feel honored, for today, you are the man, in my Vegas edition. I'll bring the booze, you bring the painkillers, and we will party hard! Viva la Elvis!

Viva Las Vegas!

The day has arrived my friends, and my body is all a flutter with massive surges of excitement running on through me. In a few hours, I will be on my way to the City of Sin, for what may stand to be one of the craziest weekends I have ever experienced. That’s right folks, today is the day that I leave for LAS VEGAS! What is there that can be said? I don’t think I want to make any predictions (although I already made seven back in August) because it seems that when I predict things, they happen, and to be honest, I don’t know how many of my crazy predictions I actually want to come true. Anyway, as I was packing up my suitcase last night, I realized that no other vacation that I have ever taken has left me with such a random sampling of crap. For example, amongst the contents of my bag sits:

1 Feather Boa
2 Containers of Glitter
1 Star Wars Cookbook
1 Cowboy Hat
1 Demo CD

Ah, and that stuff is just the icing on the cake. Anyway, there really isn’t all that much to report, I just wanted to share my excitement with the world. So many of my friends, such great music and gambling all in one place-WOO-HOO! I’ll share more when I return, but please keep in mind, everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas (which will indeed be my mantra for the next 4 days of insanity).

I know you wanna, you know you wanna...

Gimme the finga!!

I just started a group on Myspace (http://groups.myspace.com/gimmethafinga)

I hereby invite you all to join my newly formed group designed to post all your funny pics of people giving the one finger salute to the camera. Comeon and show your goods!!

Freedom Isn't Free

What would you do If you were asked to give up your dreams for freedom? What would you do if asked to make the ultimate sacrifice? Would you think about all them people, who gave up everything they had? Would you think about all them War Vets and would you start to feel bad? Freedom isn't free, it costs folks like you and me, and if we don't all chip in, we'll never pay that bill. Freedom isn't free, no, there's a hefty fuckin' fee, and if you don't throw in your buck 'o five who will? What would you do If someone told you to fight for freedom? Would you answer the call, or run away like a little pussy? 'Cause the only reason that you're here, is 'cause folks died for you in the past. So maybe now it's your turn, to die kicking some ass. Freedom isn't free, it costs folks like you and me, and if we don't all chip in, we'll never pay that bill. Freedom isn't free, now there's a have to hook'in fee, and if you don't throw in your buck 'o five, who will? You don't throw in your buck 'o five, who will? Oooh buck 'o five... Freedom costs a buck 'o five...

Persistence...

Beeswax: Trey sucks my balls
Beeswax: (they're not orange, nor fuzzy)
schwink: trey, bleh
schwink: I cant wait to give him a piece of my mind
Beeswax: he loves that cocaine, he loves that cocaine...
Beeswax: bust on him for having that picture taken
schwink: dude, I am
Beeswax: or better yet... can I give you a copy for him to sign?
schwink: ha
schwink: yes
Beeswax: I will on Fri.
schwink: ok
Beeswax: I have it posted on my fridge
schwink: well
schwink: maybe
Beeswax: COMEON!
schwink: I don’t know how I feel about asking ta for his autograph
Beeswax: say it's for a friend
Beeswax: PLEEEEASE
schwink: I'm a little weird about it
schwink: but its a possibility
Beeswax: I would give you head for 24 hours straight if you did...
Beeswax: =-O
schwink: ewwwwwwww
schwink: bees!
Beeswax: allright...
Beeswax: a little too far?
schwink: I will take it with me
schwink: I cant promise it will be signed
Beeswax: fine
schwink: I cant promise I will even meet trey
Beeswax: right
schwink: but if I do
Beeswax: well if you do
Beeswax: ayup
schwink: and he is being a douche
Beeswax: please please please try
schwink: which he probably will be
schwink: I'll ask him to sign it
Beeswax: even if he's not... just bust that out at the end of your convo
schwink: ok
schwink: he's a douche
Beeswax: I would think you were the coolest person EVER
schwink: yeah, well
Beeswax: and I already have you pretty high up on the list
schwink: I'll see what I can do
Beeswax: that's all I can ask
schwink: I am not good at getting autographs though
schwink: I have been denied
schwink: but I'll try
Beeswax: I'll even script you:
Beeswax: "oh by the way (pull out paper from back pocket)...
schwink: ha
Beeswax: "can you please sign this for a friend of mine?"
Beeswax: "he's a big fan"
schwink: ha
schwink: ok
Beeswax: "he likes cocaine too"
schwink: to xxxxx
schwink: love trey
schwink: ha
Beeswax: to xxxxx
Beeswax: I would frame that fucker up and post it in my office
schwink: ok
schwink: if he wont sign it
schwink: I will
schwink: I'll forge his signature
Beeswax: nah, that sucks
Beeswax: you would lose cool points for that
schwink: whatev
schwink: I am telling you, I am a little scarred with this whole signature/autograph thing
Beeswax: but SCWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK!!
schwink: listen
Beeswax: I scripted you!
schwink: I will do my best
schwink: but, I have been denied!
Beeswax: hehe, I dont ask for much...
Beeswax: YOU ASKED A FRIEND
Beeswax: WHO HAPPENS TO BE IN A BAND
Beeswax: anyhoo, no worries
schwink: yeah
schwink: trey
schwink: fine
Beeswax: I just hope it happens
schwink: done
Beeswax: thanks
Beeswax: :-)
Beeswax: I am done pestering you
schwink: I'll also have him sign a bag
Beeswax: haha
Beeswax: with his nose?
schwink: haaaa
schwink: yes

Epilogue: When it Rains, It Pours

As you may remember from my previous post, "When it Rains, It Pours," last week I was lucky enough to have an incredibly drunken encounter with one of my ex-boyfriends (see the post for the whole story). Well, drunken ex ended up leaving a sweater at my house (which I have suspicions about, I think he left it there on purpose) and has been calling me ever since to try and get it back. Yesterday I decided that enough was enough, and it was time to get the sweater back to drunken ex so I didn't have to endure any more phone calls. We decided we would meet at the Front Page, and he mentioned he wanted to buy me some drinks in order to make up for his behavior the other night. I spot him immediately when I walk in to bar. He is standing by the juke box, playing lots of songs that we used to enjoy together. Once he finishes with our musical walk down memory lane, we go and sit at the bar and order drinks, and he begins apologizing to me for his stupid behavior. One drink becomes two, two becomes three, three becomes four, and within the span of an hour we are laughing and talking like we are old friends (and like I didn't break up with him over the phone by telling him one random Friday night to never call me again). At some point, the John Mayer song, 'Your Body is a Wonderland" starts playing and ex looks at me very seriously and says, "this song always reminds me of you." Uh-oh! I know I don't like where this conversation is heading... Well, ex begins to tell me what an amazing person I am, how lucky he was to have dated me, how I was way too good for him and how he has never gotten over me (keep in mind we only dated each other for a few months). It was awkward. I didn't know what to say at that point, so, I said the first thing that came to my mind; "I think it is time for a shot." We took our shot, the conversation continued for a little while longer, and I finally told ex it was time for me to go home. As I walked him to the metro, he grabbed me in his arms to hug me goodbye. As he embraced me, TIGHTLY, he whispered in my ear, "you are going to make some guy really lucky." I walked away. It was like a scene out of a bad movie.

I realized after reading over what I just wrote, that I am really coming off like a cold and heartless bitch. I assure you though, that if you actually knew ex (CPT, can you back me up on this one please??) you would realize that I have been more than kind.

Anyway, the moral of this cautionary tale, getting together with an ex is never a good idea, period, end of story. I don't doubt that ex and I will cross paths again, but next time, I'll smile and walk away.

Yoquei de prado3

Yoquei de prado3
Originally uploaded by Beezwaxxx.

Down with disease and I'm up before the dawn... 10,000 barefoot Mexicans outside... JOCKEYING ON MY LAWN!!!

Evacuees Binge on Cape: Spend Fed Cash on Booze, Strippers

From the Boston Herald
By Maggie Mulvihill and Dave Wedge
Tuesday, October 18, 2005

BOURNE --- Hurricane Katrina evacuees hastily handed $2,000 in federal relief money last month have been living it up on Cape Cod, blowing cash on booze and strippers, a Herald investigation has found.

Herald reporters witnessed blatant public drinking at a Falmouth strip mall by Katrina victims living at taxpayer expense at Camp Edwards on Otis Air Force Base. And strippers at Zachary's nightclub in Mashpee, a few miles from the Bourne base, report giving lap dances to several evacuees.

"They were tipping me $5 a pop," said a Zachary's dancer named Angel. "I told them I felt bad taking their money. But I still took it."

Another dancer said a large group from the military base was in Zachary's recently and she gave lap dances to several of the victims.

"Some spend good money, but others don't," she said.

An assistant club manager, who gave his name only as Michael, acknowledged yesterday that the strip joint is popular with people from Camp Edwards.

"It's no different for someone who lives at Camp Edwards or is stationed at Camp Edwards. As long as they have the proper ID they can go in," he said.

On Oct. 5, the Herald observed a virtual parade of evacuees from a bus stop in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Falmouth to nearby liquor stores. Some emerged and openly swilled from brown-bagged containers, while others poured booze into jugs or plastic cups and casually sipped drinks at the Wal-Mart bus stop.

The refugees have access to daily trolley service from Camp Edwards to the Falmouth Mall.

One elderly man poured a bottle of Ruble vodka into a water bottle and spent the afternoon sipping the liquor outside the Wal-Mart. Two other men were seen buying 32-ounce Coors Light cans at George's Liquors and drinking at the bus stop.

Last Tuesday, one 52-year-old evacuee, who told a reporter he was originally from Cuba, stood in the rain outside Wal-Mart for several hours drinking gin and orange juice from a thermos. The same day, a female evacuee bought ice at a supermarket and roughly $30 worth of hard liquor before being driven in a car back to Camp Edwards. Evacuees are banned from bringing booze onto the base.

One Camp Edwards source said evacuees swiped liquor off shelves at the U.S. Coast Guard store on the base and drank it in the aisles.

The Federal Emergency Management Agency has issued more than $1.5 billion to 607,000 Katrina victims in the form of individual cash handouts of $2,000. There are no restrictions on how the money can be spent, FEMA officials said.

Gov. Mitt Romney and the Legislature approved a $25 million emergency aid package to feed and house 235 of the evacuees at Camp Edwards. As of mid-September, the Red Cross had doled out another $25,000 in debit cards for victims sent to the Bay State.

The Camp Edwards residents have been treated to Red Sox and New Orleans Saints games, Boston Duck Tours, a chowder fest, concerts, and free cell phone and Internet service, as well as cookouts sponsored by Romney and U.S. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.).

Since the Sept. 8 arrival of the original 235 evacuees, a handful of unruly drunks have been taken into protective custody, according to law enforcement officials.

More than half the evacuees have left Camp Edwards for other housing, and 114 refugees remain at the encampment, which is slated for shutdown Thursday.

Falmouth police Chief David Cusolita said police cracked down on public drinking at the Wal-Mart after complaints last month but he reported no recent incidents.

Barnstable Sheriff Jim Cummings said some of the intoxicated refugees were taken into custody by state police, while others were escorted to their dorms.

Friends, Booze, D&D

Ah, camping. Nothing like the peace and tranquility of being out in the middle of nowhere, with no distractions to the outside world. I went up to this cabin in the Shenandoah Valley this weekend with my friend Aaron and a bunch of his buddies. I knew it was going to be a good weekend from the moment I asked him what I should bring and he replied, "all you will need is a sleeping bag and an extra liver." From the moment I got there, I was not disappointed. The booze was flowing like, well, booze, the people were great, and the music was pumping. Yet, it seemed something was amiss when I spotted the inhabitants of the other cabin on the property. From a distance, they looked like relatively normal, everyday people, but upon further inspection it became obvious that these were not normal people at all. As a few of us went to check out the situation, it became clear to us that our fellow campers were wearing strange costumes and staging elaborate fights. Well, when you see a trainwreck, what else is there to do but stare? Upon talking to these people, we found out that they were from a role playing group, and they acted out weird and complex fantasies a la Dungeons and Dragons. So here we were, this group of 20 or so, raging it up till sunrise every morning amongst this group of many, many costumed people living out these weird fantasies, elf ears and all (in fact I actually met someone who called himself a Wolven, this meant he was half wolf/half elf) totally sober. We got a chance to watch a few of their "fights" and let me just tell you, it was one of the most surreal experiences ever. There were actually points that I had to remind myself that, although it felt like I had, I really didn't take any hallucinogens.

Anyway, all in all it really did turn out to be an incredibly fun, if not ridiculously absurd weekend, that I won't soon forget...

When it Rains, It Pours

Apparently, my love life has taken a cue from the week’s worth of rain that has been descending down upon the nation’s capitol. It’s funny, because this is always how my love life seems to go. Things are relatively slow for a while, and then all of a sudden, a plethora of suitors are tossed in to my lap (very figuratively speaking).

It all started on Tuesday night. After a relatively uneventful weekend (with Saturday being the exception to that rule) I was ready to have some fun this week. So, when it was re-brought to my attention that John Scofield was playing at The State Theatre in Falls Church, I decided to make my way in to the bleak night and attend. Me and some assorted Aqualounge members got to the show around 8:30 while the opening act was still performing. Although the music wasn’t anything to write home about, I immediately noticed the bassist, yet I kept my mouth shut, for fear of the dreaded “g” word being thrown my way once again. Plus, I’ve pulled the amazing Rook-Backstage-Disappearing-Trick (that trick being that I make it backstage, and never really return) one too many times with this particular group of friends. So, I thought nothing more of it. It seems that fate had a different plan of action for me though. When their set ended, I went outside to catch some fresh air. I immediately heard my name being called, and when I turned around, I noticed two friends who I hadn’t seen in a while chatting it up with the bassist. They introduce me, we all chat for a bit, and I walk away. Cut to an hour later, I am backstage watching Scofield (the disappearing trick is now in full effect). Cut to a few hours later, the show has ended and I am still chatting with bassist. Cut to a few hours after that and bassist and I are chatting back at his hotel. Anyway, it turns out he is a really nice guy, but unfortunately, he is in a touring band, and when he isn’t touring, he is in Boulder, Colorado. We have been talking with each other though, so I guess this may be another in-town sort of thing (that being, when he is in-town, we will hang).

Last night I got together with CPT who I hadn’t seen in an eternity due to very conflicting schedules. After much deliberation, we decide to go to the place we always end up going, Porter’s. When CPT and I walk in the door, I immediately spot some people that one of my exes work with. I quickly scan the room and don’t see him, and I am pleased. So CPT and I take our regular positions at the bar and start gossiping. Not two minutes go by when CPT looks over at me and says, “Isn’t that ex?” Lo and behold, it is. Eventually, ex comes over and starts talking with us and he is noticeably intoxicated. I don’t really think too much of it, and continue chatting with CPT with periodic drunken interruptions from ex. Eventually, CPT has to leave, and I am left alone at the bar… I guess I started to feel nostalgic, because when ex came up to me and asked if I wanted to go back to my place to talk, I agreed. The minute we walked out of the bar I realized what a bad decision I had made. It turned out that ex wasn’t just noticeably intoxicated; he was full-on-shit-canned WASTED! I’m talking couldn’t stay on the sidewalk-speaking so slurred I couldn’t make out a word he was saying-tripping over his own feet-wasted. After what felt like the longest walk back to my apartment EVER, I decide my best course of action is to try and sober him up and send him packing. Yet, when we got up to my apartment it seemed ex had plans of his own. I went in to the kitchen to get him a glass of the water, and when I returned two minutes later, he was dead to the world, passed-out, drunken body sprawled over my entire bed. I talked (very loudly) on the phone, he didn’t awaken. I turned on the television (also very loudly), he didn’t awaken. I went in to the kitchen and made as much noise as possible with random pots and pans, still nothing. Eventually, I came to the realization that ex wasn’t going anywhere, and I was tired. So, I pushed him as hard as I could over to the other side of the bed and fell asleep. The only saving grace of all of this was to see him in such rough shape this morning.

Finally, this weekend I am going camping with a friend (and about twenty of his friends) somewhere in VA, where there may indeed be a chance for romance. Hopefully my romantic prospects will live more in my proximity (preferably somewhere on the east coast) and won’t be so wasted that they barely remember their own name.

I am telling you my friends, when it rains, it pours.

The Top Ten Things I Miss About College

10. Chug-a-Mug: On Monday nights, this bar in Plattsburgh runs a special known as Chug-a-Mug. For $1.50, you can fill your massive mug with beer or mixed drinks. Conceivably, this meant you could be drunk for about $6.00. This special was amazing and always worked out well for me because I never had classes early on Tuesday morning.

9. Proximity: All throughout college, I never lived more than a few blocks from my closest friends, favorite bars, best food, classes, etc. Even with the horribly cold weather, it was never difficult to get from point A to point B. This meant that there was always someplace to go, and always something to do.

8. Meal Plans: Even after I moved off campus, I knew that having a meal plan was a truly invaluable thing. Having a meal plan afforded me the opportunity to eat as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted, with no cost to me. This meant I could get really stoned, and walk over to any one of the numerous on-campus dining establishments and satisfy my cravings. If it were only that easy now…

7. The Homestead: I have such pleasant memories of breakfasts at The Homestead. We would go there pretty much every weekend to post-game about the previous nights events. Although they always got my order wrong and were always really rude to us, the price was right and it became one of my favorite places to frequent.

6. Pizza Bono: There is nothing better than a late-night slice of heaven. Enough said.

5. The Monopole: I miss the Monopole for so many reasons. They had great music pretty much every night of the week, no cover, and all of my friends were always there. My night didn’t always begin at the Monopole, but it usually ended there. The drinks were cheap, the bartenders knew you by name and the atmosphere was unbeatable.

4. The Adirondacks: A lot of bad things can be said about the North Country of New York, but the sights were un-paralleled. I remember my amazement when driving up 87 for the first time and being surrounded by these massive mountains. Each time you drove by them they looked different and they provided a massive amount of hiking opportunities. I will be lucky if I get to live in a location that is as beautiful as the Adirondacks again.

3. Lake Champlain: Yes, it is dirty and crowded, but it was a refuge for me during the hot summer days. I spent so much time at Lake Champlain over my four years in Plattsburgh and it will always be one of my favorite places to go. Me, my dog, my tunes and the massive lake. To me, there was nothing better.

2. Chuck Wagon: I often said that the proprietor of Chuck’s, Lynn, was my surrogate Grandfather (who started selling me booze when I was a mere 18 years old). The great thing about Chuck’s was that it was so damn convenient. It was located less than a block away from where the majority of my friends lived throughout the majority of college and he sold anything and everything you could possibly need (which for me, was mostly 40’s and cigarettes). Also, if I was ever short on cash (which I usually was), Lynn would front me the booze and cigarettes that I needed. Plus, he had an ATM, which always came in handy.

And the number one thingI miss about college (drumroll please)...

1. My friends: I made such a rag-tag group of friends up there in northern NY, and not a day goes by that I don’t miss all of those crazy people. I don’t see them all nearly enough, but I really do think of most of them daily, and I am really looking forward to the next time that I get to see them (which just so happens to be in Vegas at the end of the month).

Turkey Dinner

At this exact moment in time, I would KILL for a turkey dinner. With my own bare hands in fact. Man, the list of things I would do right now for a turkey dinner is endless. I can think of about a million things that I would do to satisfy my craving. Does anyone know where in this godforsaken town I can get a GOOD NY DINER STYLE TURKEY DINNER? It would be much appreciated!

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "Me so hungy."

You Never Give Me Your Money

I couldn't have said it better myself...

You never give me your money
You only give me your funny paper
And in the middle of negotiations
You break down

I never give you my number
I only give you my situation
And in the middle of investigation
I break down

Out of college, money spent
See no future, pay no rent
All the money's gone, nowhere to go
Any jobber got the sack
Monday morning, turning back
Yellow lorry slow, nowhere to go

But oh, that magic feeling, nowhere to go
Oh, that magic feeling
Nowhere to go
Nowhere to go

One sweet dream
Pick up the bags and get in the limousine
Soon we'll be away from here
Step on the gas and wipe that tear away
One sweet dream came true today
Came true today
Came true today (yes it did)

One two three four five six seven,
All good children go to Heaven

15 year old joseph w's moped license

15 year old joseph w's moped license
Originally uploaded by karinihadalumpyhead.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ROOK! When I saw this I just had to share!!

Time for the Meatstick!!

DQHotdog
Originally uploaded by Beezwaxxx.

mmmm lips and assholes never looked so fun!!

Burger King

The Man (#5)

I was hesitant about having another guitarist for my coveted, "the man" series. But, after much deliberation, I decided that there was no getting around it, for, Jake Cinninger really is the man. As the guitarist for Umphrey's McGee, Jake is the driving force behind their signature sound and I don't believe it would be going too far to say that Jake is the best guitarist on the scene right now. Not only is he an amazing guitarist, but he is great at drums and piano and bass as well, a real multi-faceted kind of dude. In addition, he is one of the funniest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, he will always indulge me in a late-night sing-along of "Let it Bleed," and he is the only person I've ever known who has written a song about me.

For all of these reasons (and many others that I won't bother getting in to), Jake Cinninger is THE MAN! You will always and forever be my #1...

Sunrise on the facades...

BigCypressFacade
Originally uploaded by Beezwaxxx.

picture this: 5:30am, sunrise over Big Cypress Creek... me FUBARed, headed towards the drum circle in the red forest. I look to my right and this is what I see...

I miss Phish :(

Rook's "Hotter than Hemorrhoids"-Fall Tour, 2005

I was going through my day-planner this morning, and it looks as though I have a pretty solid (or heady, depending on who you ask) fall tour (ter) lined up for myself (especially considering I am still working a full time job, that keeps me occupied 40 hours a week). Some of these dates are still tentative, but if you want to find me over the next few months, these are some of the places that I will probably be. So, look forward to Rook, coming soon to a town near you on her "Hotter than Hemorrhoids" (I guess you had to be there)-Fall Tour, 2005.

October 2005
5th-Moxie Brown @ Bangkok Blues, Falls Church, Virginia
11th-John Scofield @ The State Theatre, Falls Church, Virginia
13th-Moxie Brown @ The Rhodeside Grill, Arlington, Virginia
14th-Keller Williams @ The Nokia Theatre, New York, New York
15th-Keller Williams @ The Electric Factory, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
16th-The String Cheese Incident @ Old Dominion University, Norfolk, Virginia
21st-Steve Kimock Band @ The State Theatre, Falls Church, Virginia
28th-Umphrey's McGee @ The House of Blues, Las Vegas, Nevada
29th-30th-Vegoose Music Festival, Las Vegas, Nevada

November 2005
2nd-Leo Kotke and Mike Gordon @ 9:30 Club, Washington, DC
4th-Keller Williams @ 9:30 Club, Washington, DC
5th-Soulive @ 9:30 Club, Washington, DC
13th-ALO @ The State Theatre, Falls Church, Virginia
17th-Umphrey's McGee @ 9:30 Club, Washington, DC
18th-Umphrey's McGee @ Irving Plaza, New York, New York
19th-Umphrey's McGee @ Irving Plaza, New York, New York
27th-Zilla @ The State Theatre, Falls Church, Virginia

December 2005
2nd-Phil Lesh and Friends @ The Patriot Center, Fairfax, Virginia
30th-Umphrey's McGee AND Keller Williams @ The Aragon, Chicago, Illinois
31st-Umphrey's McGee AND Keller Williams @ The Aragon, Chicago, Illinois