Happy New Year!

CPT : OMG, would you pleeeeeeeeease blog
Rook: no
Rook: I've got nothing to say
CPT : haaaaaaa
CPT : thats a lie

Who loves you more than Rook?? Happy New Year all! I will be back in touch come 2006!

The Year in Pictures-June

I am looking through my calendar for the month of June, and it looks as though I was a very busy lady. There were parties and get-togethers and nights on yachts. Yet, I have no pictures to go along with any of these events. So, for June, I am going to switch up the theme of this whole “Year in Pictures” idea, and post some pictures that I took when I was home in New York one weekend. June seems to be the month that my house looks the most beautiful, everything is at its greenest and most lush. Looking back at these photographs, I realize how lucky I am to have grown up in the beautiful place that I did.

The Year in Pictures-May

May was a lot better then April. It wouldn’t have taken much to make May better then April, but it actually was a fantastic month. May brought the start of a summer which was nothing if not unforgettable. The highlight of the month though, by far, was the Haymaker Music Festival on Oakley Farm in central Virginia. As Monks says, that was the weekend that my “VIP cherry was popped.” There are so many fantastic memories from that weekend, I don’t even know where to begin. Between the runaway golf cart marathons, the ridiculous amount of discussion surrounding the theft of Keller Williams’ baby, the surprise appearance by Chip straight from Vegas and everything in between, this festival was up there with one of the best weekends of the summer (there were a lot of those, now that I think about it). I think the pictures pretty accurately sum up the insane amount of fun that was had by all that amazing weekend.

The Year in Pictures-April

April 2005. Definitely my least favorite month of the past year. While April is usually a joyous month for me (it brings the advent of Spring and my birthday), April of 2005 brought me a nasty case of shingles. Yeah, having the shingles really sucked and that event alone really ruined April for me. But, if I can forget about the end and middle of April, and look back to the beginning (which believe you me, is extraordinarily difficult) it comes to my attention that April started out as a pretty rocking month (which is probably why I got the shingles in the first place). The pictures above are from the first weekend in April, when me and the Monkey’s ventured to a farm in central Virginia for a good old fashioned barn party. From what I can remember, it was a hell of a time, complete with a massive rain storm and many a song about getting bit by snakes. I also remember Birdie getting bit by the porta-potty, and nearly bleeding to death. That was definitely a fun weekend, but, I don’t really think it makes up for the whole shingles incident. Either way, enjoy the pictures…

The Year in Pictures-March

They say March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb. For me, March brought a meeting with one of my idols, Gene Wilder. It was indeed a seminal moment of 2005, for both me and my cousin, Seth, for we have a bit of an obsession with “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”. Click here to watch the video of me asking Gene if he would recite me and Seth’s favorite monologue from the movie. Although Gene never actually recited the monologue, he did recite one of our favorite lines, "GOOD DAY SIR!".

You May Say I'm a Dreamer...

The Year in Pictures-February

The second group of photographs in this series come from a party at my old abode (Columbia Heights-representing!), back in February of 2005. I don't really remember this party all that well, but what I do remember is that most of it was spent in my room and that at the end of the night my boyfriend at the time dragged a keg up a flight of stairs and left it in my roommates room. That keg sat in her room until late March or so. Good times!

Can a brotha get a table dance?!?

With this whole "year in review" thing going on as we speak, this post may get lost in the mix. Perhaps that is for the better, but I couldnt go on without sharing these words of wisdom with all you fine readers. I recently told a friend of mine about my failed attempts to manage to go to a strip club with two beautiful girls in tow (to clarify, it was one of the ladies ideas and not mine) so this was my friend's response:

well well well... going to strip clubs without me eh!
what were the options? something downtown or some place closer to Bethesda? the difference? barely covered or totally nude!!!

well...now that you didn't manage to go due to your approach (ie how you asked them to go) I am assuming you blatently asked "do you want to go to a strip club?"( this line would work on someone like me, however you must always gauge the woman you are asking) you might as well have asked her "hey Lady, do you want to have some women's snatch right in you face tonight?" straight to the point but still same results.
I realize men love naked women! its sort of built in... i think they have been enjoying since the day they were born - halfway down the birth canal there they are, enjoying the view!!! :)

well that explanation may not have done it for her either....

How to get a woman to come to a strip club with you and actually enjoy it is a lesson for some other time! since you failed in your quest you now have 2 choices.

1. You may either just pop in a video such as Lesbian Spank Inferno (no you may not borrow it)
2. you may go out to a disco and dance in the reggae section ( you know - you leaning against a wall in a dark corner with a girl's back towards you while she does all the bumping and grinding all in the name of getting to know each other).

Both of these options will give you the same desired results except they would cost you less then going to a strip club. I think option 1 is great cause you can decide whether to be nude or not. Apart from that, you can pause, rewind and of course there is that magical zoom button.
What is awesome about option 2 is that you owe the girl nothing except a good time with no strings attached (its just a dance right?) and with a little imagination you could totally visualize her naked.

Overall, both you will give the desired results. However, option 1 is just you, your hand and a bunch of lesbians going at in like ________ (fill in the blank) but the girls are not alive which is always a big problem despite this you may still come to realize this is not an important part of the process. With option 2 you may luck out and during the bumping and grinding her skirt may ride up and ______ ( don't act shocked! i have seen it happen at quite respectable places i.e. The State Theater and the 9:30 club - really seedy places when i think about it now). What would be even better is if you spend a couple of dollars, get her and her friend drunk and turn on your rude boy http://www.rootsworld.com/rw/feature/rudeboy.html charm on full blast you may have your personal Lesbian Inferno.

So now that you have your options instead of asking women to go to strip clubs just ask them "Would you like to go to a disco with me? its less intimidating and i hear the reggae section has it going on...

Good luck and Godspeed,
(name suppressed)

PS. I cant believe i used God in an email about a strip club but if Matt stone and Tey parker can do it why cant i?

The Year in Pictures-January

In honor of the coming of a new year, I have decided to take a photographic stroll down memory lane, and post my favorite pictures from each month of 2005. To begin, I have chosen a photograph that pretty accurately sums up the theme of 2005. This photograph was taken on New Years Day, in a sweet hotel room at the Hyatt Grand Central in NYC. What a weekend that was... That was literally the weekend that started it all, and some of my favorite catch phrases from 2005 came out of that weekend, such as "AMBULANCE!", "BETTY!", "WRONG AGAIN!" and "DON'T GO TO SLEEP!" Ah, 2005. It certainly has been one hell of a year.

Rook=Jailbird?

Wow, I screwed up. I usually know what day it is, but because November only has thirty days, my watch told me today was the 5th. I realized when I got to work this morning that this is actually not the case, today is the 6th. Well, it seems I was supposed to be in court this morning for a speeding ticket I got back in October in Virginia (85 in a 55). When I called the court to reschedule, they told me it was too late and I would have to wait to hear the judgment. There are a few reasons this is a problem. First of all, it says, plain as day, on my ticket, that I must appear in court. Second of all, I think I may have had an out on the ticket in the first place, since I never actually signed the section that reads "I promise to appear at the time and place shown above." Third of all, I really like having a driver's license and it is not necessarily something that I am ready to give up. So, the question I have for all of you is, am I screwed? Is anyone aware of the appeal process for traffic court in the Commonwealth of Virginia? If the cop doesn't actually show up to court, will all of the charges be dropped? I am currently charged with reckless driving, I have a feeling that isn't such a good thing. Man, I feel like an idiot. But today, I will not blame myself. No, today I will blame the month of November, the Fairfax County Court and Keller Williams. Either way, I'll make sure to let you all know how this turns out. Come 2:00 pm, I will know my fate...

I am Gay

Yeah, so I am pretty gay. I’ve been in the office all day listening to Christmas music. It’s funny, but I can’t remember the last time I was so much in the holiday spirit. I think my new found Christmas joy may have more to do with the general state of mind I have been in over the past few weeks, and, although I would rather not get in to the specifics, I can say this, I don’t remember the last time I was this happy. And now I am going off on a tangent… Anyway, this is not why I am writing… I have noticed today, that a great deal of Christmas songs are ultimately really sad. Have you ever sat down and listened to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”? I think this is a shining example of my discovery. Not only is the music really down-tempo and melancholy, but the lyrics are quite depressing as well. “White Christmas” is another shining example, as is, "I'll Be Home for Christmas". So, I ask, what is the deal? Aren’t you supposed to be happy around the holidays? So many people fall in to deep depressions when the holidays come around-does the music have any correlation to this?

To close, I really am gay. Sorry to post about Christmas songs. I need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve so much. My poker face is nil.

Let it Snow!

Weather.com reports snow all day for Washington, DC. I am pumped!